The Art of Being Alone:

Finding Peace in Solitude Without the Weight of Loneliness

As solo elders, we have all at some time felt the heavy weight of being alone. Certainly, in my early years of solo eldering, I would sometimes find the pressure of the walls closing in on me with excruciating exactitude. In our youth, I think we are open to the understanding that we are on a path of learning, but somehow as we age we assume we have the information at hand.

Several years passed before I truly perfected the art of living alone and enjoying life. The art of living in Solitude. Like many of the Threshold points in our life, we first have to recognize it and then walk through it with open eyes and a plan to come out the other side thriving.

This is a difficult path that we all have to chart, but I thought I would share some of the steps that helped me through this transition.

Shifting Focus Away from Lack

Initially, my focus was on lack—the lack of companionship, conversation, warmth, and company—and that lasted for quite some time.

Then, as it began to dawn on me that this could not continue, I realized I had a golden opportunity to tailor-make my surroundings and the energy within. I shook myself gently out of my stupor and began to remember all the touches that made an environment safe and welcoming for me.

Crafting a Sensory Sanctuary

I began using my incense and essential oils more frequently, lighting candles at night, and playing soothing music at intervals throughout the day.

My plants even began to respond and morphed into thriving additions to my life. I remembered years ago hearing a story of how Prince Charles (now King Charles III) used to talk to his plants. This was seen as something funny and quaint forty years ago, but now, as we realize the world is so much more in tune with us, I think it makes sense. I can plainly say my plants are a great deal happier, as am I, and I do talk to them occasionally!

Embracing "Less is More"

I also reconnected with “less is more.” I had filled my apartment with so many photos of my children at different stages of their lives and their partners. I eventually realized that one wonderful photo of each couple was perfect and all that was needed. Suddenly, my area felt a great deal less cluttered.

The Power of Solo Rituals

The timing of events was totally down to me, so I could institute small rituals that announced mealtime for me, or bathtime, or that magic time of crawling into bed to read.

In no time, I found I was loving my space and the gentle rhythm of my life. I was enjoying the quietness and solitude and not feeling lonely. When I wanted to connect, I would call a friend and we would go for a hike or stroll down Main Street—but I was happy and feeling fulfilled on my own.

I had stepped through the threshold rather than linger at the door, and found my perfect space of solitude.